woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
