Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
one two three fourrrrnication!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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