this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
