I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
