I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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