Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm at about main and main street
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
