I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All I want is dick and wine.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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