Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
