I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
