My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
