There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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