So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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