I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize