the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
