so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I need to sanitize my soul.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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