I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
