During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So vagazzling was a success
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
