omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
