she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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