so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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