You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
