maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
