he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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