They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
