i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
