I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize