Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
