Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
