you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
