Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
