Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
