@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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