I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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