Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cannot find my penis.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
