man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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