Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
smell my finger.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
