i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize