Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
