Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize