I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
