Drunk walkin through police station. America
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
