Got a toothbrush?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
