I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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