i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think i have two assholes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
