I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
