did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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