Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
