loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
