I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
