OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
