I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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