I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
