he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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