The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
