I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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