Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
