I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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