Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
