i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
