I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
