How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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