R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
pray to the hookup gods
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
