So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize