Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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