from now on my penis is your penis
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize