I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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