just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
