So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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