yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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