I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize