please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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