I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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