We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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